Friday, July 31, 2009


Otters make me go BLEE :D

Questionable Advertising: ARMpit

If you use our deodorant, another arm will grow from your pits that can expand and contract on its own free will! And it's better than you at karate!

As far as I can tell, the real message here is that Old Spice will make your armpits more powerful, in which case it still doesn't make any sense.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

What matters most

I was taught that what REALLY mattered was what contributed most to your success and future- and most importantly, your morality.

I've been told numerous times that I'm extremely creative, talented, smart, and wise beyond my years. At the same time, I try to be a kind, modest, helpful, and moral person. I've been working really hard on the things that need to get done in order to start my professional career in art.

It's day-to-day responsibility and socializing that I need to work on.

So why is it that when I do so much to be kind and helpful to others, believe in the Word of the Bible, and prepare for my art career- work on my art projects daily, upload them online for all to see, buy proper equipment and reference, all to gain publicity and hopefully start getting paychecks and a steady job so I can live on my own, support a wife, finance my future dream projects, live the American dream, make the world a better place, and go to heaven- I STILL GET CHASTISED FOR LEAVING OUT A PLATE OR FORGETTING TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH??

Despite everything I do to become a better person, and despite all my focus on the loftier, more God-oriented, and really important things, the world around me seems to care far more about whether or not I give someone a polite smile, make small talk, and avoid fidgeting- or if I do the laundry regularly and keep everything tidy. I try my best to do these things right so I can teach myself responsibility- which has far more applications than most realize- but my apparent failure to know how to deal with "real life" seems to be a bigger deal than my failures to reach my life goals.

Some reality. That sort of thing isn't reality to me. It's more of a means to appear normal, and therefore "sane" and "socially acceptable", than it is a means to become a better person. It's all about appearances. Hey, look- that guy is making eye contact and not stammering! He MUST be a functional human being!

Feh. If I wasn't so concerned about keeping a good reputation and pleasing others, I'd tell the world to go jump in a very deep lake and drown. MY job is to rescue you people from a watery grave, not give you a polite smile and offer to wash the dishes. YOUR job is to appreciate it.


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Me + Wikipedia article I watch + respected Wikipedia editor = stupidity?

I'm not sure what to make of this phenomenon. The most idiotic edits made to the Wikipedia articles I watch are all made by very well-respected, "successful" editors. Is it something about me that turns them into egotistical blowhards whose minds are surrounded by a firewall of stubbornness into which no logic can penetrate?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Because the original isn't good enough, you see

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland is looking to be yet another adaptation of the story where everything is GRIM and GRITTY and NIGHTMARISH and totally not aimed at children at all. This and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory led me to believe that Burton has essentially become a caricature of himself, and all his movies have to be over-the-top CREEPY and DEMENTED and TOTALLY AWSM GOTH and full of curlicues. I can't believe someone so brilliant as he would fall into the trap of making an Alice story where it's all THIS IS WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AND ALICE HAS PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS AND ISN'T IT SCARY AND GRITTY that so many others have fallen into. Even the Disney version is closer to the book than this overproduced mess.

I'm willing to bet Tim Burton looks at Coraline and wishes it was him who made it. That film is everything Burton once was and more.

One of these days we're going to get a faithful adaptation of both books.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

'09: year of celebrity death?

Is it just me or is a lot of important people dying all of a sudden? A lot of these people meant something to me. Billy Mays, Farah Fawcett (not too familiar with her), Gordon Waller, Heinz Edelmann... there's been several others in previous years (Billy Preston for example) as well.

Wow, three of those have to do with the Beatles somehow.

This is going to be controversial, but I'm not really saddened by Michael Jackson's passing. As far as I'm concerned, the talented, sane, black Michael Jackson died years ago.

You know whose recent death makes me cry? Wayne Allwine, the then-current voice of Mickey Mouse. He was the Mickey of my generation, and probably the best as far as bringing personality and emotion to the Mouse is concerned. It couldn't have a been a week before his obituary appeared that we had finished watching every episode of House of Mouse. My mind was blown. "Oh my God! Mickey's voice is gone! They must be scrambling to find a replacement now."

I still get misty-eyed by it, even as I'm typing.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Questionable Advertising: Sour PUNCH

If you eat Sour Punch, an unseen force will knock you silly in the jaw!

Questionable Advertising: Skechers Hy-Tops

The latest animated Skechers commercial reveals that their target demographic of their new girly hi-tops is teenage witches. That turn boys into frogs on a whim. That's I'm getting anyway.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Questionable Advertising: Death by Fruit-by-the-Foot

Doesn't anyone else find this disturbing?

Teenager found dead; victim of horrible witchcraft

The culprit then proceeded to replace his sister's blood with Tang and both his parents' lungs with Dubble Bubble. The deadly warlock is still at large.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy BANG 4th of WOOSH July

This neighborhood is just FULL of pyromaniacs. Every New Year's and every 4th there's a tremendous amount of noise that night, and the occasional random explosion almost each day in the weeks leading up to both, and a good amount some days afterward. For years now, the local police have circled the neighborhood on those days so that their presence keeps everyone from blowing up something or setting somebody's roof on fire. They've pretty much given up on trying to keep them from buying and setting off rockets.

Gad, I can almost smell the sulfur already.